Step 1. Get a big hat. Wait. No, start again.

Step 1. Start scoring for the local hockey league.

Step 2. Find a player that sets your hormones pumping and doesn't smell like old socks when he gets slammed into the boards right in front of you. In this case we'll call him Number 2, since I have no imagination.

Step 3. Wait until he sets a very specific other player up for a goal and...

Step 4. When the ref skates off after saying "69 from 2" accidentally say out loud. "That would be a very fine thing."

Step 5. Duck.

Or you could just wait until she's criticising the goalie and says, "He goes down every time he even thinks somethings going to happen." and tell her, "Great boyfriend, bad goalie."

Do both in one night and she may just end up catatonic.

Today I got my first hockey injury!!!!

Okay, it's nothing more serious than a bruised shin and it's the muscle at the top of my shin, right below my knee, but it hurt like a bitch when it happened.

I was standing between the cones that we put up to mark the goal, but wasn't paying attention, due to the fact that everyone was doing their own thing and not shooting. At least I thought they weren't. Frog called me and I turned and skated toward her just as my pseudo son, Mark, fired one at the goal. It was a beautiful shot and I stopped it. With my leg. Not on purpose.

Now, Mark is a very cheeky brat who likes to snow me and shows off at every oportunity, but he's actually a nice kid under all the teenage hormones. He was horrified at what he'd done and came over right away asking if I was alright. I told him I was fine but that I was cursing him in three languages anyway. In typical form, he asked me to do it out loud, so I did. I called him names in English, French and Italian. He was duly impressed and we kept playing.

I have to get me some shin pads. Although I'm kind of proud of the big purple spot on my leg.

I learned how to pick the puck up with my stick today. I also learned that I cannot chasse and crossovers are scary when you think about them. The skating kind, not the fic ones. :P

Mark gave me a few pointers on how to skate hockey style and I find that a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, I have to pass the next level doing figure skatey things to qualify for hockey school. Something about being able to stop...

I bought a stick and a nerf puck, too. Now Frog can fire pucks at me in the laundry and I can stop them without pain. Mark even taped the stick for us.

And if life wasn't perfect enough? Tomorrow I get to see a Penguins game!!!! They play the Rangers and Jordan Staal's little brother is in there. Maybe he'll be abe to beat this one....

Also, Fleury has had a hissy fit and seems to have turned a corner, so maybe he won't break my heart by playing like a blind muppet. I just want to see him win.

First there's the small matter of my due South Seekrit Santa letter.
( Dear Santa )


Secondly, I did a meme that I got from heartofdavid

"Comment and I'll give you a letter. In your journal, list 10 of your favorite songs that begin with that letter."

( She gave me the letter L )

AND OMG!!!! I HOCKEYED!!!
( Like, on the ice with a puck and a stick and everything! )

1) Breeding season has officially started. My life is no longer my own.

2) My Senior A BlackHawks and Superleague Hawks (yes, the club has originality issues) both won their finals and I'm ridiculously happy about that, while being sad about no hockey until NHL starts. Yeah, I'm spoiled, only having a few weeks with no hockey at all, but I need it! It's like a drug.

3) Added bonus? I got to see a mostly nekkid hockey player. Just him and a towel. I still cant figure out why he went out the Zamboni doors like that, but I'm not complaining. He's the only hot one on the team.

4) I'm very behind with my skating posts. Promise I'll catch up.

5) My husband went and got a mohawk again. He had it dyed red and now he looks like a cartoon dinosaur. My sex life is doomed.

6) I've somehow started writing hockey fic. That's my dirty secret of the day. Anyone want to be my beta? I kind of... well, I... joinedachallengecom...and I have a grand total of a week for each fic. It takes most of that to write anything at all with the rest of life. *hangs head in shame*

I had to choose a pairing and I chose Crosby/Fleury because Fleury's so pretty and... well Crosby's lips were designed to... bah, who am I kidding. I'm going to hell, aren't I?

That's bad enough, I know. So I don't want to join the trend in that whole scene by posting with no beta. I have SOME standards you know. Just...they're obviously not high.

I'll post my first one here soon. The comm is a flocked one, so no point linking to it. No hurry, I'm not that proud of it.

7)It's time all naughty little ultra_chromes were in bed. Night night.

What a kerfuffle with the journals being suspended and the mad panics about interests and locking down journals. ( Just a tiny rant since everybody's already said it better than I can. )

It seems I must make an apology of my own. I read this about why Chelly didn't shake hands.

I can see how that would happen. So, yeah. Sorry Chelly. I'm still sad about it, but I don't hate you. You can go back on my jersey list, even. Only you have to start back at the bottom, just in case you break my heart again. Forgiveness is a slow process for me, even when I'm wrong.

The Ducks are making me happy. Like happy happy! \O/ That kind of happy. I hope it lasts.( Hockey stuff that isn't all about my hormonal reaction to it. )

5 More sleeps until I see my Frog again!!! It would be 6, only the last night I'll be on a plane and therefore definitely not sleeping.

ETA: I've been looking around and I've gone and gotten a GreatestJournal and an InsaneJournal just because I don't want to miss out on having my own name if I need to follow the good fic around. Also, like the Chelly thing, I'm slow to forgive. It's a wait and see.

Today’s word is bought to you by Chris Chelios. *sob*

The word is Druxy.

It describes something which looks good on the outside but is rotten on the inside.

( Small Chelly rant. )

I did something really stupid today. It made me appreciate hockey players even more. Yes, I’m that obsessed with hockey. What of it?
( Dumb thing to do. )

My Fleury jersey and Frog’s Crosby one arrived on Friday. I haven’t opened Crosby, just popped it in a box and mailed it so that Frog can meet me at the airport in 9 DAYS!!! \O/

I wore Fleury on the weekend and got lots of comments about the immense coolness of the design. Pity no one knew who Flower is…

On Sunday my boss took all of us to see a show called “Spirit of the Horse.”
( Stuff about that. )

For the lack of Penguins, I've been doing some Duck loving. What can I say, I like waddly birds. :p

One day I want to make a hockey team where I live and call them the Serpentine Super Chickens and dress them in black and gold. I have no clue who they'll play against...

Where was I? ( Oh yeah, Duck squee. )

So there's this thing about Danny DeVito having a brand of drink named after him. And then someone on NHL.com did a list of dudes and what drinks named after them would be like. Now me and lists? Pretty much like neural sex. Something about a whole heap of words lined up like that....

So I did a few myself.( Mostly Penguins and a couple more. )

Then I thought, "Why stop at hockey? Why not just go to town?" So I thought of a couple more for other folk.
( But not many. )

So now I want everyone to join in and make me laugh at something that may actually be funny. So have at it guys.

I have the day off, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to ramble. Partly because I didn't start my day with mind numbingly boring tasks and therefore have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do for the next prompt.

( Hockey, Fish, Dogs, Husbands and Something I've Learned From The Challenge. )

Okay, I'm new to the love of hockey. You have to cut me some slack for that. Don't you?

And I only get to see two random games a week, so I haven't even got just one favourite team. If I did, I'd never have anyone to cheer for. So I have to be a hockey hussy and love lots of them. Even like that I sometimes end up having to flip a coin so that my family don't think I've dropped dead in front of the telly. Because is it just me, or is it impossible to watch hockey quietly?

So now that I've justified my existence to a bunch of folk who don't care... ( I have a bunch of really dumb questions. )